Are you wondering why you’re so upset these days?
Are you telling yourself you’re not at risk, so why are you worrying?
Maybe you’re telling yourself–or others are telling you–to stop exaggerating?
But to you, it feels like disaster is looming.
It feels like a crisis. You’re having trouble keeping the panic down.
All these–and more–are normal feelings.
Sharing fears
Yesterday was a difficult day for me. I have childhood memories from being quarantined at home for a month with scarlet fever. Many of the fears I’m feeling now kind of piggyback on those old fears. A kind of child-like part of me is afraid of experiencing that again, and that intensifies the here-and-now fears.
For trauma survivors
Some of you may have memories that are coming up now… maybe it’s not even so much memories as distress that feels intolerable.
If you’ve survived trauma, you might find more of your trauma-related symptoms coming to the fore. Even if you thought you’ve dealt with them already, when the going gets tough, they can come for a visit.
And even if you’re not a trauma survivor
It’s also important to note that we’re experiencing collective, global trauma right now. So even if you’re not a trauma survivor, things can be difficult right now.
There are many definitions of trauma, but one aspect is the experience of powerlessness in the face of a life-threatening experience.
It’s important to note that they don’t actually have to be life-threatening to be traumatic. As long as you–or your mind, your so-called “irrational” fears–think it’s life-threatening, then it can be traumatic.
Furthermore, if a situation “violates the familiar ideas and expectations about the world of an individual or society, plunging them into a state of extreme confusion and uncertainty” (Aydin, 2017)–and there is no question that’s currently the case–it can be traumatic.
What makes traumatic events extraordinary, as Judith Herman states in her classic book Trauma and Recovery, is not that they occur rarely, but because they overwhelm the ordinary human adaptations to life. Being overwhelmed is a hallmark of trauma. It’s very distressing.
This is normal
We can expect that everyone will be affected to some degree. Mental health and emotional difficulties will be widespread.
Research has detailed some of the emotional consequences of pandemics: stress, distress, traumatic stress and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (especially for medical professionals or those directly impacted by the pandemic), depression, feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, panic, and grief.
Anything you’re feeling right now is normal. No fun, definitely distressing, but normal.
Say yes
The very first step in coping with distress is acknowledging it. It’s as simple as saying, “Yes, this is upsetting.”
Validate
The second step is to validate what you’re feeling.
“No wonder I’m feeling this way. These are the normal feelings experienced by people in this kind of situation.”
These two steps can help you feel calmer. (For fellow nerdy types, labelling what’s happening calms the amygdala and allows the frontal cortex to come back online.)
Soothe
In the midst of distress, soothing your self can also make a big difference in how you feel, and how well you cope.
At the Kemptville Stress Relief Centre, we have a group chat where we support one another. We tell one another how we’re feeling and offer one another support. We check in several times a day. We’ve always had this group chat, and the ethic of mutual support, but it has become even more important now that we are all isolated.
This connection is very soothing to our nervous systems, and calming to our hearts. (I invite you to imagine how you might adapt this strategy for yourself.)
One day recently we were all quite upset, and sharing that in the group chat. Justin Ralph is our community meditation group facilitator and an integral member of our team. He shared this practice with us, and then was inspired to record and share it with the meditation group community. Many of us have found it helpful. We hope that it will help you soothe yourself.
Use this tool to help soothe yourself
Soften, Soothe, Allow: an audio practice for when you’re feeling distressed
Get support
If you want support, all the mental health therapists at Kemptville Stress Relief offer virtual appointments by phone or video. Many of our services are covered by extended health care benefits. To learn more or to book an appointment, call 613-868-9642 or email us at info@compassionatesupport.ca.
