Written by Shannon Sweeting-Woods, MSW, RSW
Can you believe it? It’s the beginning of November! And if the department stores haven’t already made it obvious, those holidays are right around the corner. It’s safe to say we all have a different relationship to this time of year; in reality for many it usually ends up being a mixed bag of experiences. There are parts that are joyous and parts that are painful; parts that offer relaxation and parts that bring great stress. Regardless of how this all slices out for you, being proactive and taking the time to think about how you might best prepare, before the pressure of the holiday season starts to build, can allow you to experience this time of year with greater ease.
While preparing probably brings on thoughts of scheduling, shopping, meal planning etc., it can also mean preparing the vision of how you truly wish to experience the holidays this year. Ask yourself: What do I want to create for myself? In this sense, preparation might include: preparing to not over-do; preparing to self-care; preparing to have boundaries; preparing for big feelings; or preparing yourself that no matter what, some parts of the holidays can just be tough!
This reframe can be difficult. Asking ourselves how we truly wish to experience the holidays can conflict with longstanding traditions that might no longer fit in the context of our lives today. We need to remember when doing this exercise that there are no “supposed to’s” during the holidays. There is only what feels real for you.
To compound this challenge, we are collectively navigating a return to busier times as pandemic restrictions have lifted. Many are exhausted from jam-packed summers, intense back to school/office transitions, and the establishment of Fall routines. Our nervous systems may have gotten used to less humans over the past few years, and are now struggling to keep up with the level of stimulation and demand that used to feel like the norm. The pandemic forced us to slow down in certain areas of life, and when it comes to the holidays for some this was a welcome change; whereas for others there is the urge to make-up for missed time and experiences by doing “all the things”!
Regardless of what it is for you, this is the perfect time of year to check-in with ourselves. In order to create our vision, we can think about:
“How do I wish to feel this holiday season? What do I need in order to feel this way?”
In answering these questions, you might collect data from this past season, year, or even previous holidays. When did I feel like me? Who was I with? What did I enjoy? When did I feel energized? What supported me to stay well?
It’s okay not to know. You might actually have more clarity on what hasn’t worked. You might be aware of when things felt like too much, or not enough. You might notice having felt pulled. You might find times when you were acting out of a sense of obligation.
This is all important information that can support you to create your preferred vision, one your Future Self will thank you for. Because by the time the next holiday or vacation comes along, we often forget our experience of the last one. The memory comes flooding back when we find ourselves over-committing, over-booking, over-doing, and by then we feel it’s too late to course correct. We might notice ourselves saying: “I will never do it this way again” or “I will remember this for next year”! But do we?
Using the information you have gathered, I invite you to take some time today to leave a message for your Future Self. It might be that December 1st Self that needs to hear that it’s okay to stay home from that holiday gathering; or that December 15th Self that needs to be reminded that they can totally order premade meals or ask their guests to bring a contribution or not host at all; or that December 25th self that needs to know that it’s okay to set a boundary around certain topics of conversation at the family dinner; or that December 31st Self that needs a gentle whisper that they just don’t have to do stuff they don’t want to do!
Creating the vision now, and writing the messages to your Future Self will help you manifest that reality. It also gives you the opportunity to get creative about transforming elements of the holidays that you wish to keep, into circumstances that can actually work for you and your family. You don’t have to discard what brings you joy in order to move through the holidays with ease. It also allows you to build intentional times and ways to comfort yourself if the holidays are hard for you. You have time to plan for ways to reduce your exposure to triggers, or to prepare for how you can respond to those triggers. You don’t have to not do hard things, but you also don’t have to do all the hard things.
Once you have finished, you might even share these messages aloud with a trusted family member or friend who will be honoured to help reconnect you to your knowings. You might write it like a letter and mail it to yourself. You might leave post-its all around your home. You might draw a picture!
However you choose to create your vision and share it with your Future Self, I invite you to end with taking a moment of gratitude for investing in this now. You are worth choosing your Self this holiday season.
~ Shannon Sweeting-Woods, MSW, RSW
To help find your vision, reach out at
613-701-7574, info@ksrc.ca or explore our website to see who you connect to.
