Written by Chuck LeBlanc
Loneliness, which had only been exacperated by the Covid pandemic, is an extremely painful experience that often leads to feelings of depression and even anxiety. Loneliness can be made much worse when we have a difficult time understanding ourselves. Being a male in our society can mean that we are not in touch with our emotions and not in touch with our needs and wants. In yesterday’s article we discussed what emotions are and what they are used for so it should now make sense as to why they are so important. Basically, they provide critical feedback as to how we are reacting and understanding our environments as well as what our needs are. When it comes to relationships, when we are divorced from our emotions it can be very difficult to express to people around us what we need in any given situation. Whether that need is to be heard, understood, loved, taken seriously, or in some cases hugged, the point is that our emotions help us to identify those needs so we can ask for it.
When we are in a situation where we feel lonely, and do not have any deep or meaningful connections around us, it can start to feel like there is something wrong with us and that we are not valuable. The truth is that this is a very deep rooted, visceral and primal response to a lack of bonding in our lives. We are highly social creatures, and we bond with everything around us with most of our skill sets having to do with social relations. Much of our skill sets are for building, bonding, or protecting our selves from others. We bond with people, toys, nature, art, our favorite bands, guitars, trucks, you name it we find ways to bond with it. Bonding is a movement towards connection. To love is to bond.
Loneliness is a painful feeling of the absence of bonds that can sometimes show up because we either find bonding difficult, are misunderstood and have difficulties expressing our needs and wants or are in a situation where meeting and connecting with other people is environmentally difficult (Pandemic).
Part of my role as a therapist is to create a safe non-judgmental space where we can explore these emotions, their impact, and get to know our needs and wants. I am also here to get all our cards on the table to try and strategize how to express ourselves and in what ways we can better increase our capacity to bond with others. Sometimes this involves understanding the ways we are protecting ourselves from connecting with others, as in many cases of trauma. Sometimes this involves exploring the relationships we do have in our lives and trying to connect in the ways we would like to deepen those bonds.
~Chuck LeBlanc
For more information or how to book your first appointment.
Call 613-701-7574 or email us at info@ksrc.ca
