Moms Unscripted!
An exploration of how to transform your experience of motherhood
Part 1
Written by Shannon Sweeting-Woods, MSW, RSW
When I think of a script, like many, I picture the lines that an actress memorizes, that guide how they interact with the people and the environment, on the stage. It informs what they say, how they move, what they wear, and how they respond in a particular setting.
There are all kinds of scripts that guide each and every one of us in different areas of our lives. In the therapy room, we get to witness how scripts show up and influence people’s lives. Despite having been handed common scripts, people often feel really alone with their thoughts, feelings, and expectations of themselves, until we begin exploring shared experiences of how scripts impact us all.
Scripts exist in all kinds of domains. Scripts about motherhood tend to be particularly salient, influencing each stage of the journey. Whether you are deciding whether or not you would like to become a mother (or having that decision made for you), navigating infertility, processing pregnancy/child loss or termination, navigating adoption, or moving through pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum, through to empty nest and beyond; if you look closely, you will probably notice scripts that are guiding you.
We often assess our self-worth based on our ability to uphold certain scripts. When they don’t match up with our reality, we begin to assess our worthiness accordingly. If you listen closely, you may hear yourself engaging in self-talk such as: “I am not good enough”, “I am a failure”, and “I am inadequate”. This self-talk may even reflect core beliefs that you carry about yourself. When these beliefs show up in motherhood, they can deprive of us being able to embrace our preferred identity as a mother. An identity that we have a unique relationship to because it is ours.
When we are living in ways that don’t align with our preferred identity and values, we might notice a discomfort within. Sometimes, this discomfort might get pathologized, and lead to us being labelled with anxiety, depression, and various other mental health issues. In some cases, moving into alignment with our values and sinking into our preferred identity leads to anxiety and depression vanishing from our lives. At the very least, it is a piece of the pie not to be underestimated.
It is important to acknowledge that you may value some of the scripts about motherhood and not others. The same goes for everyone else. I invite you to set an intention, to become more conscious about what scripts might be guiding you, so that you can be intentional about the scripts you keep, the scripts you rewrite, and the scripts you discard altogether.
So, let’s check-in.
- How do you see scripts affecting your life?
- How do you see scripts affecting the way you relate to motherhood?
- What is a script about motherhood that you find yourself trying to live by?
If you are interested in exploring your answers further, stay tuned to this blog series for more on:
- How to notice scripts about motherhood that might be guiding you
- How to build awareness about where these scripts originate
- How to reflect on scripts that might not be serving you
- How to rewrite scripts to be more aligned with your preferences and values
We might all like to consider: Who writes the scripts and based upon what; and do you really want them writing your script of motherhood? I know I don’t.
Together we can transform our experience of motherhood.
We are here to help you start the conversation.
To connect with one of our counsellors, call 613-701-7574 or email us at info@ksrc.ca
