Moms Unscripted!

An exploration of how to transform your experience of motherhood

Part 4

Written by Shannon Sweeting-Woods, MSW, RSW

Welcome to Part 4 of our exploration of scripts in motherhood.

Having read Part 3 of this series, you have now analyzed a script’s ability to serve you; you have determined that you might like to rewrite or discard certain scripts; and now, you have the stage fright.

You might wonder:

“What is the next act going to look like if I don’t have my scripts? Has this suddenly turned into a game of improv?”

This is entirely valid given that many scripts about motherhood have potentially been guiding us long before becoming—or not becoming—a mother. If we are going to rewrite or discard something that has been guiding us for so long, we might first need to understand the ambivalence, resistance, or downright stage fright we might experience.

We can start by asking ourselves:

Do I perceive or believe that there would be a cost to rewriting this script?

 A reminder that you might have scripts you wish to answer this question for; and others that you have decided serve you well the way they are. We will continue on with the example:

“I am a mom so I am supposed to be able to handle it.”

We are all going to have feelings about what it might mean to improvise our lines here. Partly these feelings might point to how ingrained a particular script is. You might worry that it will affect how your children see you; in this sense we might fear a relationship cost. You might perceive that it will impact what your friends, family members, or strangers think of you; in this sense we might fear a social cost.

When we change a script in the midst of a play, our fellow performers must shift with us. We might feel apprehension about associated outcomes for those who are on the stage with us.

Looking at the costs you perceive, is it possible that there are other scripts at play here, that we can further challenge and choose to unsubscribe to?

Once we have analyzed perceived costs, we can orient to potential offerings.

What would rewriting or discarding this script offer myself and others?

Examples of offerings were embedded in the matrix we explored in Part 3, but again, your offerings will be unique to you. Discarding this script might allow you more space to experience multiple and/or preferred identities. It might offer a stage on which creativity is enhanced, innovation is fostered, and you have freedom to choose what feels authentic for you to take on – what fits with your own identity of motherhood (as well as other parts of your identity).

You might notice more freedom to engage in self-care, leading to increased capacity for other domains because you have more physical and emotional energy when you are unscripted.

And the offerings to others? How about greater opportunities for support people to help and be involved? It could even extend an enticing invitation to partners, co-parents, and other caregivers/support people to rewrite their scripts as well. In this sense, folks might discover new capacities, build confidence, and step into their preferred identities as well. And our children? They might reap the same benefits!

Imagine such a family system where each person is able to show up as authentic versions of themselves. In such a system, we often experience a greater sense of overall connection.

And the best offering of all? I might hold bias here, but:

When we rewrite or discard our own scripts about motherhood, it has a powerful way of offering permission to other mothers to rewrite their scripts as well. You see, together we really can transform our experience of motherhood.

 

Join me for Part 5 as we bring this exploration full circle by writing our own scripts for motherhood and imagining what these rewrites might make possible.

 

Please join us if you haven’t had a chance to read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

We are here to help you start the conversation.
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