Written by Sydney Maharaj-Nicholson

The holiday season can be a time of great joy, connection, and love. It can also be a season of stress, worry, and fear. Both of these experiences are normal. Navigating family get-togethers can bring on feelings of dread for gender-diverse folks concerned if others will respect their identity.

Benefits

Using a person’s identified pronouns is a way to validate and support their identity. Gender-diverse folks are less likely to suffer from mental health symptoms such as anxiety and depression when they feel loved, validated, and supported by their family (even when society is less accepting). When we incorporate using pronouns into our lives by using them upon introductions and including them in email signatures, we are celebrating and acknowledging diversity. Pronouns are not determined by our outward appearance, but by how we identify on the inside.

Challenges

Holidays can be particularly challenging for gender-diverse folks because there are higher concerns that the people they love and care about may not respect who they are. It can be incredibly painful when a family member refuses to acknowledge an identity, citing reasons such as “using they/them for one person is not grammatically correct,” among other explanations. At the end of the day, if you can show someone you love them by doing something as simple as using a different pronoun, why not? Learning to use new pronouns can be difficult, but it’s worth the effort.

Tips for the Gender Diverse

  1. Have an ally with you who isn’t afraid to be in your corner
  2. You do not owe anyone your emotional labour. However, if you are in a place where providing resources and educating family members by way of answering questions feels safe for you, come prepared with some resources you can share
  3. Set some boundaries. If you are not in a place where it feels safe to have a conversation about gender diversity, give yourself permission to walk away from the conversation. You deserve respect and love, and this is a moment when you can provide that to yourself.

Tips for Allied Family Members and Friends

  1. Using proper names and pronouns is a way to affirm the identity of a loved one
  2. Learning and using different pronouns can take time. It’s ok to make a mistake! Practice with another family member prior to that holiday dinner and correct your mistakes with a brief apology and appropriate pronoun use
  3. Show support for your gender diverse family members (and others!) by normalizing pronoun use
  4. If someone is talking about the gender diverse family member and uses the incorrect pronoun, correct them by way of “oh, I think you meant [insert correct pronoun here]”
  5. If someone refuses to use the correct name and/or pronoun when the gender diverse family member is around, advocate for the gender-diverse person. It can be hard to self-advocate in these situations because it can be unclear who is supportive. Speaking up and advocating on behalf of is a loving show of support.

If you seem to be constantly worried about navigating family get-togethers, or experience hopelessness and despair surrounding your identity, support is available for you. Please reach out to sydney@ksrc.ca if you’d like to book an appointment. Alternatively, see below for more free resources.

~ Sydney

Resources

The Trevor Project – Resources About Gender Identity
https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/category/gender-identity/

The Ottawa Trans Library
https://ottawatranslibrary.ca/

Trans LifeLine (Crisis Support Available)
(877) 330-6366
https://translifeline.org/

LGBT Youthline (29 and under; Help Line available)
https://www.youthline.ca/

Kids Help Phone (24/7 Crisis Support)
https://kidshelpphone.ca/