One of the things that makes stress really difficult is having to carry it all by yourself. A lot of the people who come for support are the go-to people for their families, friends and co-workers… and just about everyone else in their lives! They have always been strong, capable, competent people. That means they are carrying not only their own stuff, in a strong, competent, capable way, but also everyone else’s.

But then, who’s in your corner?

That’s where counselling comes in. A counsellor can help you carry the emotional weight of what’s going on in your life. Holding an emotion in increases the demand on your capacity—it takes energy to “put on a happy face”—and over time that can lead to symptoms like a shorter fuse, irritability, headaches, and trouble sleeping. If you have a place where you can let the emotions out, that is going to decrease your stress. You might have lots of people you can talk to in your life, and they might be very kind, helpful and understanding, but when you share heavy things with them, you might get a variety of reactions. They might get mad, or frustrated, or give you advice. Or maybe what you’ve shared comes back to you later, in a way you don’t really want it to.

A counsellor is a neutral person, so when you talk to them, they’re not going to get mad or upset, and are not going to put their nose in your business. You can leave your heavy stuff in the counselling office and there’s not going to be any negative impact on the rest of your life because your counsellor isn’t connected to it.

That’s the advantage of counselling: you get to bring it, say it, and if you want to leave it, it can stay at the counselling office. It won’t cause ripples in the rest of your life unless you choose to make those changes yourself.

When you’re stressed, you might feel emotionally overwhelmed. Maybe tears come out at the most inappropriate time, or maybe you snap when you shouldn’t. When this happens, it’s hard to think straight and problem-solve. This is a problem with how every human brain functions. When it’s emotionally overwhelmed, it can’t think. This is called cortical inhibition.

In these situations, your counsellor functions as an auxiliary brain so that the thinking parts of your brain can come back online, so to speak. Then you can relate to your emotions, rather than drown in them, and you can begin to use your problem-solving skills to address your problems.

Being hard on yourself is a hallmark of stress. We all have a tendency to be self-critical, but when stress is high, then the “itty, bitty shitty committee” in your head can make a lot of noise. Your counsellor can teach you tools that will help you be kinder to yourself. The inner bullying of that “itty, bitty shitty committee” is as harmful, over time, as being bullied from the outside. You may not be able to change your external conditions, but you sure can be kinder to yourself, and that removes one stressor from your plate. Plus, being nice to yourself, even if it’s only in your thoughts, counters the effects of external stressors. Whatever you have the power to change that reduces your stress is going to help you feel better.

The ultimate result of ongoing, constant stress is that your nervous system gets fried. To recover, it needs rest, soothing and nourishing. Just like a runner, the nervous system needs rest and recovery time between marathons if it’s going to get up and run another. And, let’s face it, life is full of stressors. Learning the signs so you can detect them early and act quickly to regulate your nervous system will help you cope better with stress, and prevent you from crashing and burning.