Written by Katie Cassidy
We often hear “I resent him, I resent my wife, I resent my coworker”, but what does it mean, to be resentful?
Resentment is our response to a real or perceived act of injustice towards us, resulting from a one-time act, or on-going. Either way, resentment typically arouses an anger response within us, and the longer it remains within us, the deeper and stronger that resentment feels.
Resentment can provide us (depending on the situation of course) with the belief that the act was not and is not our fault. That whatever happened, happened against us and it was completely the other person’s fault. After all, taking the blame and control over a situation requires a heightened level of awareness, as well as a readiness to change (hard work)! So we sit with resentment, blaming the other. Holding resentment damages ourselves more than anything, playing the victim, as most times the one we are blaming does not even realize.
How do we overcome those feelings of resentment and allow ourselves to be free?
- Notice when you are feeling resentful. Who is around, where are you, what triggered you, etc. Notice it and let it sit with you, feeling vulnerable instead of angry, realizing that the anger is coming from a place of deep hurt.
- Objectively think what role you may or may not have played in the situation. Many people deeply believe they did not have anything to do with the outcome of the situation, when in fact they may have (escalating arguments within your marriage, or a difficult work relationship for example).
- Resist the urge to channel that anger towards one specific person or thing, again realizing that the anger you are feeling is coming from a place of deep hurt within yourself.
- Practice expressing anger and resentment differently, whatever that means to you. If you typically call the person and start screaming at them, maybe trying to write down in a journal how you are feeling instead.
Practice relaxing techniques and ultimately letting go of that anger, acknowledging that you are the one suffering, not the other person here.- Having a mediated conversation if possible, with the person that you feel has hurt you. There can be a lot of power in expressing yourself and being heard in a mediated calm conversation that can ultimately help you let go of that resentment.
Note: Of course there are many situations that cause one to feel resentful and many of these situations can be very serious and the person did not have any fault in the situation (a child being molested, or a woman being raped for example).
If you are feeling resentful, looking to ask any questions or to learn more, we are here and can book an appointment anytime.
To connect with one of our counsellors, call 613-701-7574 or email us at info@ksrc.ca
