Written by Chuck LeBlanc
Worrying about what others think about us, or what they think about what we do, or worrying about not living up to the expectations that other people have about us can be suffocating. Suffocating because of this fear of judgement can cause us to have our backs against the wall with how we live our lives and what choices we can make.
These choices we can make include the school we go to, the jobs we take, and even the type of person we are. These choices make up our identities, and that fear of judgement can cause us to hide or walk away from what we want or who we know ourselves to be. Not only can this derail the futures we want to build for ourselves, but it can also cause us to lose sight of who we are.
We can start to peel back the layers of what the fear of judgement is doing if we understand that it is a kind of anxiety. In a way it is a type of anxiety that is worried about being shamed. But since anxiety comes from that part of us responsible for keeping us safe (as discussed in Chuck’s article about Anxiety the Nervous System and You), then this fear of judgement is attempting to keep us safe from something too. Perhaps it’s a reaction to feeling like our loved ones will think differently about us or won’t understand our choices. Maybe it’s a worry about making the right choices about our future.
The future, like the social connections we make and maintain, is something we create step by step with the choices we make. Partly what the fear of judgement can do is influence the choices we have available to us in order to try and lesson the pain we may face in the future. But this kind of shame can stifle us and cause us to trip on all the things about ourselves we are not necessarily happy about. The parts of ourselves we may consider as flaws. But what is a flaw if not a skill unrefined? This kind of shame can also cause us to isolate ourselves and slowly lose those connections we so desperately want to keep. At the same time, it can cause us to lose a sense of ourselves and who we want to be.
Being able to recognize this fear of judgement as a habit coming from that part of ourselves trying to keep us safe can help us be more compassionate towards that particular alarm bell. Once we can see it for what it is, we can start to slowly take steps to make ourselves feel safe as we move forward in life on a path that is more authentic to who we want to be and how we want live.
If the fear of judgement, the expectations of others, and anxiety is something you are having trouble with. I can help.
~Chuck LeBlanc
If you are looking to work through your fear of judgement feel free to book an appointment with Chuck LeBlanc now.
613-701-7574 or email us at info@ksrc.ca
