Will my Marriage Survive COVID?
One common issue that I hear surfacing a lot with couples in the last few months since COVID started, is how to cope with spending so much time together, either as a couple or as a family.
We had been used to having our own space. Going to our jobs every day, dropping the kids off at daycare, being able to have our own space and identities, go on date nights, etc. Then all of that came to a grinding halt, and we continue to spend so much time together throughout the pandemic. How can we cope?
*Remember that just because you are in a partnership, does not mean that everything must be done together. In relationships, we tend to mold our friend circle, our activities, interests, hobbies, etc. as one. It is important to remember that we are two different people, with completely different interests, personalities, and needs.
What this looks like practically? Encouraging your partner to go out with his or her friends without you so that they have time to themselves. Agreeing to take the kids or responsibilities for that block of time, and prioritizing this weekly. Remembering that this does not have to last for hours; whatever works for each family will look different at this time. It could simply be a walk outdoors, or a cup of coffee in the quiet.
*Scheduling quality time together WITHOUT distractions (yes this includes cellphones). We spend all day together, and you may be asking yourself why would we want to spend more time together? During the day we are forced to play different roles. Whether this is mom, dad, CEO, employer or employee, we wear many hats in the day. So just because you and your partner are home with the kids all day, does not mean that that time is quality time that nourishes your relationship.
What this looks like practically? Scheduling time when there is quiet and only the two of you are around. This may be after the kids have gone to bed, or asking for a babysitter or family member to help out. Cells phone are not to be around either. This allows you both to “take -off” the other hats that you must wear during the day, and just be together as partners.
*Being honest and checking in with each other when we are struggling. Coping throughout COVID, especially given its long-term nature, is an on-going struggle and grieving process for our losses. Your partnership is a team. If you feel overwhelmed or alone, communicating that to your partner, rather than slamming the kitchen cupboards. We cannot read the minds of others, so it is important to express to your partner what you are feeling or needing.
What this looks like practically? All you do is sit at the laptop all day trying to get your work done, while your kids are fighting in the background. You have the urge to burst into tears, you are stressed and your back is killing. Your partner comes home and you snap at him when he goes to sit on the couch. Instead of snapping, try opening up a conversation with your partner about how you are feeling and what you need in that moment.
To connect with one of our counsellors, call 613-701-7574 or email us at info@ksrc.ca
